Thadian Mikash

Human appearance
Kash has a younger looking face, although he uses facial hair growth in attempts to appear his appropriate age. His really can't mask the puppy dog expressions to his myrtle blue green eyes. He's slender and lanky in build, he has worldly gait, however, it could be just the way he ambles along. Thadian smiles a lot, maybe seemingly too much for it to be a completely honest smile. It may seem like he is a swindler, even though the smiles themselves are genuine. Thad's hair is a dark chestnut brown with redish highlights, not cut by a professional, perhaps by swift sweeps of a knife. He's shaggy and unkempt in style of appearance. He's meant to have an unassuming look, something average, and easily forgettable.

Quirks
An important thing to take note of: Kash's hands are broad with slender long fingers. His hands, and mannerisms with them, are all subtle tools at his disposal for distraction, sleight of hand motions, and misdirection.

Worgen appearance
He looks to be younger around the muzzle and eyes, having shaggy brows that have a puppy lift near the bridge of his muzzle. His fangs and teeth are slightly smaller appearance, not as exposed from the mouth. Lanky, but not overly thin in build, even his stature unassuming in design. A more coyote like shaggy fur appearance in coloration of browns, greys, and whites. His sharp myrtle green gaze, is very cautious, calculating, yet there may be a glint of mischievous fun in their trek.

Garb
Casual garb: Typical in what could be considered lower class attire, leather vest, and pants cloth shirt, and neck tie. He wears mix match of both leather and cloth garb. It may seem loose fitting, or easily replaced, very unassuming in taste.

Armor: Leather armor, it varies depending on the current job. Some of his armor, is quite fancy in appearance.

Arms
His easy going stride seems to favor the right side, it holds a very slight indication of added extra weight. He has many tricks up his sleeves, or perhaps even hidden on his person from head to toe. From visible daggers, to a hidden pistol in his pant leg, Thadian is obviously armed. He is not above, or beyond poisoning, or using explosives for a hasty escape if needed.

Personality
Thadian is a on the sly playful trickster, and a fun loving attitude. In many aspects even within his personality he has is like a shape shifter quality in what he allows of his personality to be exposed, it's all dependent on who he is interacting with. He's typically laid back, open minded, and forgives quite easily, having a humble fun loving attitude when it comes to work, and friendship. He likes to entertain, as much as he likes to be entertained.

He follows his own moral compass, which he may not always agree with that of which in the eyes of society deems is the right way to behave, or generally be. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn't strive to protect others' freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions. Thadian acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect, or assume of him. He does believe in attempting to treat others fairly, when possible. Thad will disregard the law in pursuing his self interest as he has little use for laws and regulations if the situation concerns his own survival. His intentions may at times be motivated further towards the good spectrum, however, who he associates with, and the outcome of his intent doesn't always turn out that way.

There is a lack of long term commitment when it comes to his personality, he has easily walked away when things become too much a risk for himself. He just can't put that expectation on others to always be there, and in all fairness, he goes through his life believing others shouldn't place that expectation on him either. He breezes through, never staying in one place for very long. He skirts around the fringes, doing what he can for himself, by what means he can.

=Belief System=

Good and evil are a complimentary balance of arms, one cannot exist with the other. Thadian dances in the grey. He can be viewed at any angle and no perception of him would be completely incorrect. He tends to have the best intentions, but that doesn't always lead to the best results. Life has meaning, purpose, but his own has the greatest meaning to him. He will keep his word if it serves his interests. He may attack an unarmed foe, if he feels it necessary. He will not kill an innocent, but he may accidentally harm an innocent. He may use torture to extract information, but never for pleasure. He may kill for pleasure, but is not very likely to do so. He may help those in need, or work with others, but he does not respond well to higher authority. He is distrustful of organizations, and will disregard the law in pursuing his self-interest. He may betray a family member, comrade, or friend, but only in the most dire of situations. Things just happen, there is no rhyme or reason to it. Thadian tends to believe in luck and chance, rather than fate or destiny.

Relationships
Thadian Mikash is a complicated individual when it comes to relationships. Kash can be seen in the company of many different individuals and seem quiet comfortable and affectionate in their company, that doesn't mean they have sexual relationship. Platonic relationships are just as important to him as any other. All types of relationships have a significance to influence him even if they may be fleeting.

Physical contact to him isn't taboo even if it may be seen as that by societies standards. Touching another in a chaste manner, to him isn't seeking out anything more then a greeting. He may lay his head on a lap of someone he met mere hours ago if seems like permission was given to do so verbally, or with body language. He may cheek rub in a scent marking manner even while he appears to be human, just to say; Hello, I'm happy to see you, I missed you, without verbalizing it. He may put his hand on another's shoulder, to non-verbally say. This person's under my protection, while telling the person he is touching to the shoulder; ''I'm here for you. Don't worry.'' Those are just a few examples of how he nonverbally conveys his intent when it relates to interacting with others.

He doesn't easily attach himself to one person, above another, there is always a unspoken distance even if he seems really close to people it's not necessarily as what one might assume. He has commitment issues, he's a free spirit it's hard to keep him caged in any way without him running off, or disappearing into the night. It's not that he won't have close relationships, or deep ones, it's the promises and expectations that with those type of commitments that will make him balk, and run away. He just can't make promises he is fully aware that he can't keep. He just has an easier time maintaining friendships than anything that requires more of an emotional investment.

Although he hates labels, the closest generalization to his orientation is; panromantic demisexual : romantically attracted to anyone of any orientation, but not be sexually attracted to them, unless they have a strong bond with them.

=Influences =

There are many individuals that have been highly influential in Thadian's life some are listed below.

 Past influential individuals 
 * Mr. Brittle - The elderly farmer that found Thadian in a sheep pasture.
 * Mrs. Corney - Matron of the Orphanage.
 * Mr. Gregory Mikash, Mrs. Rae Mikash -Elderly couple that indentured and then later adopted Thadian.
 * Madam Sadie Dawkins - Found Thadian on the street taking him under her wing, and into her home.
 * Telran Starthorn - Druid of the Cenarion circle that befriended and taught Thadian the value of balance.
 * Candice Caronal - Lover that led Thadian down a path into a world of darkness and regrets.
 * Adair Soames - Dominator | Gamma over Thadian and others within the pack.

 Present influential individuals  ( All art is done by writer of the profile. More unrelated art can be found at Minstrelofmyths.deviantart.com )
 * Randal ' Silver ' Morley- friend, superior officer on the vessel Isiku Moyo.
 * Davin ' Dirge ' Morley - Death knight, superior officer on the vessel Isiku Moyo.
 * Melinda Maclay - Druid, superior officer on the vessel Isiku Moyo.
 * Nacelia Leafsong - Druid, crew mate, friend, on the vessel Isiku Moyo.
 * Tashilly - Priest, friend, target for trickery.
 * Jerrick - Druid, friend, target for picnicking, and chatting it up.

=History=

He doesn't announce where he is from, nor does he hide it, he simply doesn't talk about it constantly. He doesn't dwell in matters that cannot be changed. Thadian's focus is mainly the present, and the coming future. He's just happy to be living the life of his own choosing. Most seem to take him at face value, and he is happy with that.

The Value Of A Name
Hold on tight to what you've been handed....

Thadian has no memory of his biological parents. He barely recalls the grizzled visage of the farmer that had found him. The old man who had taken the toddler Thadian's cries for that of a lost lamb, until he had been discovered rescued the child and kept him warm until he was picked up by the local authorities. Thadian can recall the orphanage's matron, the large ominous echoing building, and the squalor conditions in which he was raised in with the other unwanted children, clearly. He can remember pangs of hunger. Thadian can recall the thickly painted white bars of the cage he had been put in for hours, with the only entertainment was the scraping of his nails to pluck the paint off the crib's bars. He can recall those large spans of time that passed observing that new blanch white around him, judging time by the shadows that were cast upon the thin mattress by those same bars. There were other children, and it wasn't too much time that had passed, that within the routine times of feeding that he was to be freed from those confines. Once he was properly house broken that he was allowed to be amongst the other children. He was quick to learn behavior patterns of his peers and adults alike adjusting his own personality to suit. Although, Thadian was as malnourished as the rest of the children, he was fleet of foot and swift of mind, he quickly adapted to the life style an over populated orphanage provided.

The very young lad had a lucky hand dealt to him, even though his clothes were tattered, and his person was disheveled instead of being sent to work in a laundry house, chapel, a smithy, or a stable, he had an opportunity present itself that most of the orphans dreamed, and had longed to one day achieve. After spending five years at the orphanage he was indentured out to an elderly couple that needed a youth to help around their farm. There was a possibility he would even be adopted if he made a good enough of an impression. He was delighted to get away, to have a family he had dreamed of at last. He had never been a block away from that ominous gated orphanage, to see the country side was a world changer for the young Thadian. The scenery was vastly different in appearance to him. All that green lush grass pastures dappled with the thick white cloud looking coats of sheep, compared to the cobble stones and tall surrounding buildings the country side seemed to the wide eyed youth like a different world entirely. He was beyond excited, beyond terrified, beyond anything he had ever felt before. It was a feeling that was so powerful and overwhelming all at once, that he couldn't put words to it. He was silent the whole carriage trip to the farm.

He was frozen still as the lorry presented him to Gregory and Rae Mikash, the guard had to nudge him a few times to get him to move. Thadian stood there with so many questions that ran through him, that he physically shook. All of the other orphans that had spoke to him had warned, and cautioned him before he departed, not to get too comfortable with a family. That farmers were known to be cruel with the switches and paddles, and that once he couldn't work any more they would return him. The other children had filled his mind with many other terrifying descriptions that would befall him that he had been mortified about what may befall him. Even with all that in mind while he was standing there before the couple all he could see was that opportunity for something he had spent those late nights dreaming of... a real family. Sure the couple seemed nothing like his imagined family as their skin was so paper thin that he could see the veins under the surface, and their faces were wrinkled looked like too worn leather wallets. At the same time underneath all that old, there was a warmth to their smiles and eyes he had never encountered before. Introductions were made, he was given an new outfit, and even his own place to sleep in the barn, given a warning that he could be sent back at anytime if the Mikash's were not happy with his work.

Life on the farm was hard, rewarding but hard, he seemed to fall easily into the early to wake routine. He was fed three meals a day if he worked hard, and did what he was told. This was a vast improvement to the orphanage. As old as the couple were they were kind to him, never raised their voices, nor took a whipping to him. His life for four years were filled with praise, encouragement, and smiles. Once he gained enough confidence that he wasn't going to be sent away he started to call them mother and father, and they eventually gave him their surname Mikash. He felt loved, needed, wanted, like he contributed to something vastly greater in those years than any time before. He loved his family and was happy to remain like he was with them forever, if he was allowed.

His adoptive father was shoveling manure into a wagon when his woolen sweater at the back of the neck became caught on a back latch of the wagon's gate. The catch of the sweater was bad enough that in his struggle to free himself the elderly man had jostled the wagon just enough to disturb the equine. Gregory would have survived if the horse hadn't backed the wagon over him. Thadian had been sweeping in the kitchen for his mother at the time, and had not noticed his father's absence until it was dinner time. His mother soon went looking for Gregory, as his father was never late to dinner. Thadian had washed up as it was routine, as the table had already been set he then just sat there as he had been told to do. He had sat there for what seemed like hours at the table, he thought at the time that they were just talking, or had needed privacy. So with as much patience that he could muster he had waited, maybe he had kicked his feet under his chair a little, as they barely touched the floor even though he wasn't supposed to. Maybe he had also twiddled his thumbs until he became bored with even that, as he kept looking at the door waiting for the two of them to return. Dinner had grown cold, and it was almost too dark outside. He resisted the temptation to eat from his plate because it would be rude to start without them, but his stomach was protesting. The fireflies were already flying up to the stars, the ravens had all settled in their roosts for the night, the crickets sung their nightly lullabies. He couldn't take it anymore he did the unthinkable, he left the dinner table without being excused. Hopping off the handcrafted chair he was soon taking a lantern with him as he went outside. He called out for them in the deepening twilight, while making his way towards the barn. By the light of the lantern Thadian had discovered them both, just laying there on the ground... Mother was breathing, but his father wasn't going to ever get up. As young as he was, he knew necks shouldn't be turned like that. He ran the mile to the neighbors to get help, he frantically explained how he had found them, and the neighboring farmers called on the doctor. Mother was sick after that, the doctor had said she was weak. The neighbors had looked after him as all the old couple's immediate relatives were all dead.

What happened in those following moments was a whirlwind of turmoil... One minute he thought mother was going to get up, the next she just stopped breathing. In all that confusion he heard the whispers of the other people coming and going, some said his mother had died of a broken heart, some said she got sick from being in the rain so long, some blamed him. Whispers of bad omens and evil little children that were a blight on the overly generous elderly. He heard the loud voices of the neighbors arguing about what to do with him, and that he couldn't stay at the old homestead, that they didn't want him. It was the night before the funeral for his mother that he had heard the mention of calling the lorry to take him back to the orphanage, and even worse outcomes than that. It was those types of conversations that had caused Thadian to run. He was panic stricken, he didn't want to leave, but... he knew if he stayed he would be taken by force. He loved the farm, he had named every chicken, kitten, and lamb, all his friends and stability was here. He had spent those warmer days, busting off the ends of green beans by the bucket fulls, he ran through the fields, and was read to at bed time, lantern lit stories in the hay loft. The farm was the only stable home he had ever known. He was plagued with the memories and thoughts of all the times that his father had played a fiddle, while he and mother had danced and laughed. Oh the work had been hard, but he had so much fun listening to his father tell stories and give advice as they fixed fences. Thadian was all ears as his father had told about the old days and how he had built the farm house with his own hands, for himself and his lovely young bride. All these built memories were suddenly wiped cleaned as all those old fears and uncertainties came rushing back, it was his first real taste of death and loss. Devastated the young Thadian in tears that would not stop, ran, as if his life depended on it.

He woke up in an alley, in a very large discarded empty crate. That box became his home for almost a year. He had nothing, but his wits to survive on. He learned what inns threw out their food on what days, he learned how to beg without getting caught by the guards. He had learned how to wash himself, and how to wash the food from the spillage runoff from the rain gutters. He learned what homeless to avoid, and who was okay to talk to, he learned about caution and how to filter what he said. The only thing he hadn't mastered was stealing, and that ineptitude was also a game changer for the lad. There was a busy market place, too busy in young Thadian's mind to miss a few conveniently misplaced inventory. The smells were overwhelming to his plaintive stomach, the noises were all so distracting to his ears. One apple, no one would miss a single apple, he had told himself while that small grime covered hand of his had reached out to that impossibly red, shiny apple. That hand that had been itching to take the apple, suddenly snagged up it's prize in a triumphant glory! He knew it was bad to steal, but it felt so good to have it in hand, and he knew it would feel even better in his stomach. His moment of instant gratification was short lived, as he was just as suddenly nabbed! His wrist grabbed up from behind by a guard that whirled him about and up in the air! The shouts frightened him, as he had never had anyone look so menacingly at him in his entire life, the threats of cutting off his thieving hand was even worse. Thadian was just dangling there wordlessly, staring into those eyes of the fierce and angry guard. He knew there was nothing to he could do, no words of explanation that would clear his name, he knew no matter how hungry he had been, taking something that didn't belong to him was wrong.

It was the words of another that stopped his next reaction of fighting to get free, before it had even happened. They were words of salvation, that rolled over him like a gentle caress, it didn't matter at all at the moment that they were all lies, they were such beautiful sounding words. It seemed the guard felt so too. Even though the apple had been ripped from him, Thadian had been set back down upon the ground free from a threatening hold. He finally could tear his eyes from the guard as he was being pulled into a warm hug from the most noble of woman he had ever seen in his life. He was so confused as he was ushered away by the woman, a safe distance from the guard. Everything she had said was a lie, he didn't know her, he wasn't her nephew, she didn't forget to pay for the apple. All that he knew was that the guard had believed the woman, and he had been let go, that his hand had been saved. Thadian knew he had blatantly tried to steal that apple, and yet the guard either believed her or... he had no idea. Right now his hand was safe, and he was now safe and being comforted by who had to be the fairest woman in all the land. Her hair was the crimson of sunsets, of blood, her eyes the green of spring fields, her stature was tall and thin, her complexion was of the palest of sheep wool, and that of butter cream milk. Her name was Sadie, and her promise of Thadian being her charge once more was being reassured in different terms.

The House That Sadie Built
That looming city wall never thought we would make it this far...

Thadian never learned if Sadie was her given name, or her surname, noblemen, and ruffian alike called her, just Sadie. She had a way of moving that had all eyes on her, a way of speaking softly, but with a demand for respect. There was so much power of influence in her every move, in her every word, as if she could bespell a room with a single breath. Thadian had certainly never met a woman like her, she wasn't like the walkers of the streets at night, or the grizzled matron of the orphanage, or that of his elderly mother, Sadie was a breed apart from anyone he had ever met. Her home was massive to him, it seemed larger then the orphanage, but no where as close as ominous looking. It was bright, it was airy, done in reds, greens, whites, and golds, it was open, it had art work in elaborate frames that he could stare at for hours on end. He had his own room, a bed, carpet, a dresser, curtains, his very own window with a view from the second floor. Her room was right next door to Thadian's, if he ever needed anything he could go to her. Other than to sleep Sadie almost always had Thadian at her side, he never felt alone. There was a staff of gardeners, cooks, cleaners, stable hands, people constantly came and went. She had explained that she had started from nothing and had built her empire from the ground up. Her explanation reminded him so much of his father's story, and when he had looked to her expression he had seen almost the same reflection of love and care. At that moment he had felt like he could never doubt about being a part of something greater ever again.

Sadie never failed in her promise of taking him in, protecting him, and teaching him what she knew. Under her care Thadian learned how the world really worked from Sadie's perspective. He learned of the vast dishonesty of the world around him. He learned from her to use all the tools and assets he had in him, to get he wanted from life with confidence. He had learned about manipulation, how to recognize when he was being manipulated, and how to manipulate others. He had learned how to steal from any class of citizen, from the highest in naivety to the cynical. He learned about his own confidence, and how to recognize other's and lack there of and how to use it to get what he wanted from the interactions. He learned about physical appeal, dressing to play the part of a social expectation from the pauper to the social elite. He learned what he felt was the most important, the arts of distraction, misdirection, persuasion. He learned about making home made explosives, and how to properly cheat at gambling. He learned how to play the piano, how to sing, how to entertain with a sleight of hands, and how to survive by many means to grift and hustle. Yet, there were times he missed the simplicity of farm life. The life and ways she showed him were so complicated that at times it left him confused because it was so far from what he had learned with the Mikash's. She seemed to just know that he must have that in need in him too, because there were times she sent Thadian to the carriage house to tend to her horses. Her excuse for sending him to care for the horses was to give the stable hands a night off. It was usually those nights when Sadie herself was entertaining others, that he was sent to the stables. He didn't question her motives until a much later at the time, he was just happy to tend to the horses and have some peace.

He was considered by societies standard a young adult when he was dealt another hand that twisted his stability, but he was still too dependent on Sadie's guidance and care to really be considered an actual adult. He was pretty much the young master of Sadie's house, although Thadian never saw himself as overseer of anyone. He found that he got along more with the servants spending hours in the kitchen, the grounds, than in the company of the social elite that Sadie would take in to her parlor to entertain. Having no peers his own age, had aged him some regards when it came to his behavior and outlook on life and the world. As much as he appreciated Sadie, he was growing up fast, things were changing for him, thoughts, ideas. He was afraid to voice those thoughts, or to question her, because she had given him so much, and he never wanted to hurt her. He did as he was told, did as he was taught, and it always pleased her unless she was drinking. Her penchant for drinking slowly began to consume her. The drinking had caused Sadie's behavior to become ever more erratic over the years. Thadian knew from his past to give wide berth for those in volatile moods that swung towards violence. He tip toed around her, all the while those blissful years began to seem more like distant echos of what was. He looked forward to those times where he wasn't constantly entertained, or in the company of Sadie's hired thugs watching over him. He began to try to slip farther away from Sadie, at times sneaking out just to find some moments to be by himself. To Thadian, Sadie seemed more like a stranger than that welcoming vision of beauty that had saved him long ago from the chopping block. Even as her employees dwindled, her business seemed to be booming....

Once on a drunken binge she took him shopping with her, the shopping wasn't abnormal, it was her indulgent abundant spending that seemed almost insane. Blankets, clothing that wasn't her size, or her style, yards of fabric, farm equipment.. Things she would have never used, food she would never eat, lollies, rock candy, things she had spoiled him with when he was younger when he had played a part well, or pick-pocketed a large score. She seemed briefly to find new mascots to replace him too, young mirror like images of himself, both male and female that would always disappear after she had spoiled them. Thadian had no idea if she was just finding randomly abandoned children, or kidnapping them. He had no clue at that time what her motive behind it was. He had questioned in his mind if she was just doing this to make him jealous, or to see if he would leave, or demonstrate she was still good at taking care of children, he just didn't know her true motives, although he had speculated at great lengths. He was afraid to question her, afraid that she would lash out, or burden him with guilt, or become weepy, and try to get him to forgive her. It took him a long time before he had gained enough nerve to confront her about it. It was a quite a while after whatever the phase had been had finally stopped, that he had questioned her. She had laughed him off as if his concerns were silly, that the children had just been her employee's children, and the gifts had been for the families. The whole point of her activities had been that she had only thought to entertain the children for a short time and give them gifts because times were tough. She told him what employees the children had belonged to, he had recognized a few of the names, not all of them. Her explanation seemed to Thadian convincing that she was doing charitable good deeds. In Thadian's mind he thought that perhaps she had done all this because Sadie knew that her behavior had been bad enough that she needed to make it up to her employees.

Thadian felt this drinking spiral Sadie was doing was becoming completely out of control, he tried to talk some sense into her, but it always led to something ugly. She seemed more snappy at him, she became more weepy for no apparent reason. It was when she was at that rock bottom that she began almost incoherently telling him that some of the families of her employees were sick, that some were even dying. She kept trying to convince him that she was some how at fault, but wouldn't elaborate beyond pleadings for him to understand that she was trying to keep her family together, and how nothing she had done seemed to work that her empire was falling apart. Nothing he said could comfort, or soothe her moods, he had tried everything at his disposal to help her but nothing seemed to work.. Thadian just stopped trying... and that seemed to make her to push him away farther, and her drinking became much worse. She began mistreating him not only verbally, but physically too. Sadie would suddenly slap Thadian, if he questioned her. It didn't seem to matter that the hitting was done in privately, or in public, the only thing that seemed to matter to her from his point of view was that he felt humiliated and ashamed. She even began abusing her employees by cheating them in their pay so that they would have to come see her more often to demand what was owed to them. It was if she craved so desperately for attention that it no longer mattered if it was positive, or negative. The only thing that seemed to matter was that all eyes and attention remained on her. Thadian just had this feeling of impending doom while in her company, and his thoughts strayed far away when she wasn't around. As much as he held love for her, as much as he had been grateful for everything she had given him, and had done for him, there was a resentment building in his heart. He started to think upon ways of getting out. He thought if he earned some honest amount of coin, or showed her that he could do the jobs that her employees did, that it would make her happy again with him, or at least prove to her that he could manage fine without her.

He was the look out again, looking out for the night watch's patrolling rounds. It was boring work, so he entertained himself with juggling the glass orbs Sadie had given him as a ' please forgive me' gift. He rolled them around in his fingers and hand, as he leaned against walling. He waited in silence with the exception of the quiet clicking of the glass in his hands outside the warehouse. In fact, it was oddly silent, the kind of creepy silence that was so thick and humid it could be cut with a knife. It was an uneasy feeling, something in the air that caused the hair on the arms to stand on end for no apparent reason, it wasn't too cold, it wasn't windy, it was just still, and maybe a little foggy. He had done look outs before, he stood outside for hours waiting for the actual work crew to be done with what they were doing, it never bothered him before. Maybe they were just taking too long.... Maybe, it was that same feeling of time span that the dinner was too cold. That creeping feeling that just maybe, he should check on the crew to make sure they weren't under a wagon, or captured by the guard. He had just put his juggling orbs away when, out of no where a disheveled and gravely looking ill Sadie appeared like a ghost out of the lantern back lit fog, begging him to come with her. He didn't want to leave his post, but at the same time his loyalty to Sadie's well being was too strong to deny her for too long. Sadie had seemingly convinced him to ensure she made it home to her bed.

He didn't think it was her death bed, he had only thought she had gone on another crazed drinking binge. Faithful to a fault at that age, he made sure she had everything she needed and even kept watch at her window for her employees return. He was feeling guilty, feeling like he had betrayed the crew, all he could think of was that they had got caught as time stretched onward and the others hadn't shown up. What he couldn't understand was how Sadie had made it all the way out there as sick as she was. The city outside the estate had been full of strange rumors the whole atmosphere felt unsafe, it reminded him of nights before his parent's funeral whispers and shouts in the dark, as he stared out the window. Sadie had slipped in and out of a fevered sleep, he had given her medication to ease it, it should have worked, but she had seemed to burn through it. She kept speaking as if she was having nightmares, tossing and turning while ramblings of finding a way to keep them all together spilled from her mouth while in a confused delirious state. Thadian had waited out the hours with a cool rags to her head, just tending to her as one does with someone that cared for them over the years regardless of the demons they carried on their shoulders. He wiped her tears, shushed her cries of regrets. Thadian had even spoke repeatedly of getting a doctor, but she would have none of that.

Thadian had learned more of her past in those fevered moments than he had in the entire time she had raised him. He found out that she had given up a baby when she had been much younger, the pregnancy had come from a scandalous affair with a nobleman that had been married. She had been young, naive, and had been easily taken advantage of with the sweet little lies the nobleman had told her, as well as all of his empty promises. When the noble turned her out, she had held the burden of the shame, the disgrace of loss of a position within the community while the man lived out a prosperous life. She had kept speaking of how she had built her empire from nothing, that if life wouldn't give her what she wanted she was going to take it. Thadian came to realize everything she was, everything she did was motivated by these truth filled delirious murmurings. She just wanted to be loved unconditionally, she just wanted the family she had been denied, and she would stop at nothing to achieve that ideal in her mind. She spoke in desperate tones of finding a way of how they could be a family forever. Thadian did his best to try to ease her mind that she never had to worry about that, that she should just rest, and all would be better in the morning.

As much as he felt for her, he also worried about those he had left behind at the warehouse. They should have been back to the estate by now. He begged and pleaded for her to go to sleep, as the hours were edging more towards to the wee hours of day. His thoughts were if he could just get her to nod off for a few hours he could see what was happening with the crew. As much as he was loyal to Sadie, her employees, her people, well they were important to him too. Many of them had spent time with him over the years, come and go, they usually turned to working with Sadie when times were tough, crops were failing, the size of the flocks of sheep were small. It was always when times were difficult Thadian seen the number of employees more often. Many of the brute force, and thieves he considered a positive influential part of his life, they were mostly built up from farmers that just needed another quick source of income for a short period of time. They were important people to him, family. Even though Sadie had carelessly spirited him away from the warehouse Thadian cared about his own reputation, with them. Thadian cared what they thought of him, they had trusted him to be a good look out, and he was failing in that. Sadie had trusted him for the job as she was the one that permitted him to go with the crew on this heist. Sadie kept rambling until there was a long silence. That long silence Thadian took that as his cue to leave, that Sadie had finally been subdued by slumber.

He had whispered something about being back, briefly bending over to place a chaste kiss to her forehead, before he had turned his back on her to depart. It was as his hand reached out to the door knob, that time seemed to have slowed down, and then freeze. In a strange coincidence just as his hand touched to the door knob to turn it, Sadie had seemed to have made a miraculous recovery, as she suddenly launched herself off the bed and snagged up his wrist in a very tight grip. Thadian was suddenly taken to a long ago place where he was very small and a large guard held that same wrist in the very same manner, everything just seemed to stop as he was filled with deep soul clenching dread. Sadie had used just as much strength as that guard had used on him, as she violently whipped him around too look at her. The only difference now being that he was much larger, and taller, and she shouldn't have been able to do that to him. Before his eyes that goddess of beauty, hope, and opportunity had turned into a monster. That countenance he seen as a guiding light transformed before him into something that he couldn't understand with his eyes, his mind couldn't seem to fathom, or even begin to comprehend what was happening to him. Her voice was just as transformed into something monstrous and ugly, as she snarled out the words that still drip within his nightmares to this very day. " We become nothing, but echos of ourselves. " He didn't have time to question her, he hadn't time to speculate, hadn't had the opportunity to prevent what was to happen to him. In those stretched out moments where his own screams consumed the very air from the room, all he could do was to try to fight to survive. In the crimson heat of soul searing pain, she devoured his humanity, until there was nothing but the salvation of utter darkness. He would have never had the foresight to believe the woman that had saved him and groomed him for those years for a future of possibilities would be the one that annihilated his reality transforming it into something else.

In The Company Of Druids
The soul masters the beast, the beast masters the soul....

He awoke to the sound of water, and resonating voices in a language he couldn't understand. He wasn't alone, there were many of his fellow Gilnean's in this place. But there were also elves, he had never been up close to one in his life, he had heard tales. The ones were telling them to drink in a language he could understand, and he was more then grateful, as he was thirsty beyond his wildest dreams he had never felt such thirst. As instructed Thadian had drank from the wells of fury, tranquility, and balance. When he was more aware of his surroundings he learned that they aided by the druids in Tal'doren to regain balance between spirit and mind. Thadian had been in a state of shock for some time it seemed, he was numb, and strangely everything was more acute, and at the same time he was sharply aware. It was a dream like state, everything was obscure and vivid all at once, as if he was digging through a fog for what seemed a long time. Coming to terms with who he now was, who he had once been, and who he was to become from this experience, was difficult for him to make peace with. It was like those moments where he was reaching out for the door knob, or that certain apple, where time stood still, or moved too fast for him to be able to comprehend. There was such grief as he learned the depths of his own part played in a great betrayal, learned how all the wounds on his soul would never truly be mended, that he had been forever changed. It was hard for a long time for him to see the strange, and yet new opportunities that were presenting themselves. As he was consumed by those dancing shadows of the past. It was as if he didn't want to remember, but at the same he couldn't really forget.

It was only later when he joined the other refugees aboard a great ship that took them to Darnassus. He had never been on board a ship before, yet he lacked the strength to be excited about it as he normally would have been, he felt worn out. Although through listening conversations he had learned the fate of his home, his people. He wanted to join the other Gilnean's on the ship, he just lacked the heart to, he kept withdrawing within himself on the journey, brooding. He had never seen a place that looked as Darnassus, he actually could feel it, hear it, taste it, even if it was faint. Thadian just knew there was some powerful influence on the air that crawled along his skin. It was an awe inspiring place on a sensory level. As he was ushered around, given instructions where he would sleep, eat, learn, a elven male was assigned to him to help guide him to finding that balance. His instructor went by the given name of Telran, a kindly night elf that was one of the tallest people he had encountered. At that time Thadian was taller then most of the young men his age, albeit he was still holding that lanky bean sprout appearance, standing at six feet two inches. Telran had to be a foot taller then him, he had an awesome looking beard, that Thadian tried to achieve by growing out his own facial hair, Thadian never achieved that full beard. Telran had one of those faces that looked perpetually stern, and it was a little hard for him to tell his emotions by the moon kissed glowing eyes, but Thadian learned even though it was far different then looking into a human's eyes there were tells to them that displayed emotion one just had to be wise to them. Telran became a close friend to Thadian, his everlasting patience with Thadian won over that shroud of gloom and doom, that had covered him. Telran's perspective was vastly different about how the way the word worked compared to Sadie's point of view. Telran could find the balance, purpose, and good in just about every living thing in the world. Telran was the one that came up with a new nickname for him given in fondness, and kinship, Kash. Thadian like the nickname as Telran introduced him with the name, it was like a new identity, a person born anew.

Telran's aid helped guide Thadian on a different path than Thadian had set on out in, in his mind set. Daily activities, facing new situations became easier for Thadian. It was Telran's hands on approach that made the transitioning easier for Thadian. Telran took him places outside the sheltering grove of Darnassus, showed him the world through Telran's point of view, took him to human villages, so that Thadian would have contact with his own kind. Together, they in the wake of the Cataclysm did relief efforts, as Telran was by nature a healer. Thadian did what he could in that time, even if it was just passing over splints and bandages. Unlike Sadie trials and tests of loyality, Telran's tests were beneficial to Thadian, as they taught him self reliance, encouraged self control, and how to behave in stressful situations that could agitate the urges and instincts with what spirit gnawed under Thadian's skin. Not that it was always smooth or easy to handle, but with Telran right there, Thadian learned how to control himself, to keep balance with himself. He learned if he ate regularly, even if he didn't feel like it before helping Telran tend to the wounded that the urges were not as strong. He learned if he didn't panic, if he just stopped to breathe, stopped to control his emotions not to become too excited in situations that were frantic, fast paced, distracting, that Thadian eventually was able to maintain. Things in general for Thadian became easier with work, time, and efforts on his part, as well as Telran's influence in those uncertain moments. He slowly gained confidence, he grew as a person, and developed his true new self identity. Telran was always at his side, from failures and break downs, to victories and triumphs, a true friend and a true teacher. Thadian held Telran in the highest regard, and esteem he was always grateful for his friend.

Not that Telran was finished with healing the wounded, but he had been given time off to further educate Thadian. At times Thadian felt accomplished, and at others like a burden of weight because of his own state of being, although he was grateful that Telran hadn't put in for a transfer of duties. Thadian worked hard to prove to himself and to Telran that his friend's efforts with him amounted to something better than when he had started out, that he was worth the effort. Thadian even reassured him that there was no obligation to stay by his side, that if he wanted to go with the others he could. Telran had in turn reassured Thadian, that he was his important focus at the time. That if he could help Thadian heal, it was a great honor, and accomplishment not only for himself, but to mend the past hurts that his own people had been responsible for. That it had to be done on the individual level, with compassion, and understanding, or nothing would be mended at all.

Telran continued the teachings of observing one's environment, the signs of body language, and many more cues that came with sensory perception. They traveled often, always on foot, the long walks helped curb the energy that ran through Thadian. Telran taught him the value of going shoeless, to feel the earth, to feel the cool blades of grass under feet, earth, or the hot sands. Telran taught him about how the plants could speak to even those that could not hear, to pay attention to the leaves and how they turned with the light, or with the onset of rain, he had taught him how to see the health of a trees and plants by their condition, and other signs. Thadian already had a great understanding of that when it came to human's and how their minds worked, but when it came to animals and plants, he had always thought of them as mindless beings driven by instincts and urges, and not really any true thought, or feeling processes. Telran took Thadian out into the wilderness and had taught him of the wild hunt and all it wonders, and depths to be discovered. They had observed the wild true wolves in their natural environment, studied how they behaved with one another, or alone. What practices succeeded, and those that failed, and those that lead ultimately to life and death struggles. They discussed at length what they had observed from their own point of views, how they believed why things happened a certain way, or how it could have been done better to achieve a better result. Some of these discussions seemed to be on point when it came to his own behavior, he could relate. The talks seemed to be about his own strengths and weaknesses, the subject opened doors for him and it really made Thadian think of the similarities, and how it could be applied to his own life and well being. That path to balance took more than self reliance, even though it was a great apart of it when it came to survival. His teacher gave him the guidance that led Thadian to seek out Goldrinn, for a greater understanding of spirit within him. Thadian found a means to keep the peace between the conflicting aspects between spirit and mind, a unspoken agreement was settled upon strengthening a bond.

When the time came he departed from his friend's company, Thadian had felt ready to face the world. He was still in search of who he was and who he was to become, but his stride was surefooted. He was no longer a boy, or a lost soul, he didn't feel cursed, he felt confident he could make it in the world no matter what obstacles were thrown at him.

What Is done to Survive
''Strangers in your own head.... ''

He moved from town to village doing odd jobs. Sometimes it was just fixing fences, sometimes he did a little entertainment for the local pedestrians, sometimes it was pulling weeds, or mending roofs, or shearing sheep. No matter what the job was Kash kept himself busy, he worked hard, whistled, or sang a old tune, it was good honest work. Okay, maybe some of it wasn't so honest but the majority of the work was. It was if he shed away his past and moved on. He smiled, he danced, he talked about local events, made new friends, encountered some of those from his past in passing, heard the good word, and some of the not so good words. He learned of world events through word of mouth, some of it seemed like it was exaggerated slightly, some of the tales' he full heartedly believed. His meandering aim was to gain enough gold to be able to purchase provision and possibly some proper gear so that when he made it to Stormwind he would look like a respectable citizen, and gain a respectable job.

There she was....in the local pub. A cornflower blue eyed, corn silk yellow haired beauty, sitting in a corner all alone, with an absolutely dreadful scowl on her face. He didn't make an approach then, because one, he was covered in soot from cleaning out the pub's chimney. So he asked in passing who she was from the inn keep, it seemed that she had purchased a two night stay up front, and the name she had signed in under was Candice Caronal. After a few passing words of encouragement from the inn keeper, and vigorous clean up after work, he had peeked into the dining room to still see her in the same corner. Kash took this opportunity to introduce himself, and well make the attempt to cheer the lass up. He whipped out all his best lines, his best charming smile, and all his parlor tricks in his arsenal. He had plenty of practice on marks, but when it came to the nitty gritty, well he never made it that far. Candice, that Kash had found out like to be called Candy, was eating up his routine so eagerly he was certain he had his foot in her room door. Well maybe not that night, but there was promise for another date the following evening. All he knew he was infatuated with getting her to smile. When she had agreed to the second date, he may have yipped a bit when she planted a kiss to his cheek when she said her good nights for the evening. After the rush of what felt like that first fat coin purse he had lifted, Thadian had slowly came the down of the high the concerns slipped in. ''Could he go through it without shifting? Could he keep balance if it went that far?''

The two of them, the next evening, really hit it off after he got off work, drinks, laughter, all those fears and apprehension subsided by the end of the night. She was so easy to get along with, he just felt an instant connection with her. He was in that state of utter triumphant, and feeling quite accomplished, as he dozed in and out of a drunken warm stupor, in the bed besides the very pretty when she smiled, Candy. He was still quite new to keeping the balance, he hadn't been sure if he could maintain especially when emotional states, and biological chemical rushes were in tow. Well the proof was in the pudding, and he had his dessert that night! Hours must have passed, he could hear birds vaguely outside, it wasn't really birds that stirred him out sleep. It was Candy's voice, panicked and in quiet hurried tones that had him tearing away from that veil of darkness and comfort. He had to tell her to slow down as she revealed something quite shocking for his too groggy mind to process. The short version was that she was in danger, and so was he, because of this night together. All he could think of at the moment was that she was married, and the husband was about to walk in. He about flew out of the bed to get dressed, just as panicked as her voice sounded in pleas. But when she told him to stop and listen to her, he managed to pause because she had said if he went out the door without her he was most likely dead, so to the window of the small room he dashed! He had one leg out the window as she clarified that it wasn't her husband, it was that she had ran into a gang that controlled every aspect of her life, and she was being used as recruitment tool. That he had been watched since he had entered the village, and that they wanted him apart of this what she called a 'pack'. That she really needed his help to escape them, that she didn't want to do anything to him, that she was sorry, and that's when the tears started. He had never made a woman cry like that, with only a sheet for protection from whatever just happened in the confession. He came back into the room, and began apologizing, and began agreeing to help her in whatever way he could, but at the same time he had to know what he was up against.

Talk about a night of firsts and earth shattering events.....

In retrospect, Kash would laugh and joke over the whole ordeal, but at the time it was quite life changing. Kash couldn't get their location, couldn't see them in the tavern below, or in the forested outside. It was nail biting times, it wasn't that he was afraid of a scuffle, it was that unknown, would he survive this time? Well, the best way to face what lurked in the dark was to call it out into the open to shed some light on the mystery, or so he had thought. Taking Candy's hand in his, he practically pulled her outside with him. He didn't want to wind up dead after all, and he certainly didn't want to be used by her as the bait and distraction while she made her own attempt to escape. Where was everyone?! All the bloody town folk had seemed to have disappeared, besides the fact that it was in the wee hours of the morning, he still hoped there would like be some witnesses to the event besides the confounded early twittering of annoying birds. He had traveled with the squirming and slightly resisting Candy to the outskirts of town, he had a feeling if he had let go of her hand she would attempt to escape while he got pounded. He thought he was under control, had this situation handle, and had called them out of hiding with a shout. A shout he had hoped sounded more fierce then what he had heard come from himself. He was thinking maybe three, two or three he could easily persuade to leave him and the lass be. He thought perhaps they would just jump out of the forest, like a magic reveal of TA DA, but it turned out not to be as he would hope it would. Not three, but five, five males decked out in full worgen attire, meaning tattered bits of cloth and gear, and the some of largest blokes he had ever seen unfolded from the shadows. The reveal from their concealing hiding places was slow, Kash had hoped it was hesitation, but upon seeing the sheer size of them, he was aware it was more for dramatic intimidating effect. It had worked...

Although Kash had used all the teachings Telran had given him about body language and posturing, it failed with the group that had appeared. He held his head up high in confidence, spoke of his agenda of taking Candy with him and they were going to leave and that they would have to find another recruit. He kept his posture and pose, he even challenged with making eye contact. At first there was a roaring of laughter, and then it went all bad, all that confidence he had displayed slowly began to fade replaced with uncertainty and dread. There was a lot of exchanging of words, very colorful aggressive words in disagreement with him. At first he had danced around the words, then the swings at him that followed, although that game was short lived. When the first impact of a fist that he hadn't dodge hit him in the jaw, he was reevaluating his poor decision making as he swung back to retaliate there was no stopping the reaction, he was a scrapper after all. He could take a few fits and then return some no problem, something he had learned at the orphanage protecting his meals, something he picked up from hanging out with thugs as well. The second strike nabbed a few ribs, or so it felt as his air in his lungs locked with a burn that could only be described as swimming in a smelting furnace, it seemed to knock the thought from his mind. He took a sharp inhale recovering as the third hit him under the chin, he may be seeing stars, but he was still fighting back. The forth impact had him cry out on the inside for the mother he never knew, and the fifth hit had him shifting to worgen shape as if was out of the wolf's volition to do so. He hadn't shifted without his own thoughts in the forefront of his mind, ever since he had drank from the well of fury, the well of tranquility, and the well of balance. It seemed as if the change was forced upon him against his own will, which caused his mind and body retch in pain. Kash lashed out at his attackers, all that practice, all that seeking balance unraveled in a rage he could taste. The difference being that it was a focused rage, built out an instinct of protection of someone that to that basic mind of his, was his, that he had a claim to, to protect against all odds. But as much as Kash unleashed himself upon his attackers, he wasn't a match for three, let alone five as the hits and soon kicks became consecutive. That didn't mean he didn't give it a hundred and ten percent effort to return what he was being dealt, yet he was failing, try as he might he had failed. If they were going to take him and Candy, he was going to make them work for it, and he would make them pay for it in the long run.

In the years following that fateful early morning... The young man had become the adult he was to be. The supposed Alpha of the pack was cruel, was greedy, was power hungry. Those that had recruited him into the pack, had become his tormentors and as well in a strange twist his salvation from a worse fate. He met the actual Alpha only five times, those that were entrusted with his 'care' were gamma's and delta's, by their ranking system. Everything he thought he knew was twisted in this environment. He was given a chance to up his own rank by not only speaking of his deeds that merited a promotion, but by proving himself in combat against another in a rank above his own. He started as an omega, the last, the lowest, the punching bag, the bait. He made it to the rank of Upsilon, each triumphant in a rise of ranks he was marked with a single cauterizing slice of a branding iron. His duties changed as he gained more trust, and he was rewarded for that with the one day of festivities as tribute to his achievements with a feast appropriate for his rank, and with the company of a female from the same rank.

Kash was never happy with the arrangement, as organized as it was, it was sick and twisted what this supposed ' pack ' did. It didn't mean Thad didn't fight to be heard every opportunity he had, it didn't mean he didn't find his own loop holes in the system. The longer he stayed with them the more he felt he was losing his humanity. As if everything Telran had taught him had to unlearned if he was going to survive in the pack. If he was seen out of his Worgen form at inappropriate times he was forced to shift forms by the higher ranks, any time he sought to find that balance there were means and ways that were used against him to have it undone. Adair, was Thadian's gamma from the start, Adair took a favoring to him because Kash would put up a fight if he was cornered into a challenge even if he lost every time. Kash couldn't evade Adair always, so he used that favoring against Adair, to get what he could out of the situation. Kash had toyed with the gamma in manipulating tactics that served his own purposes, such as when it came to food and other privileges beyond his rank's allotment. The pack was so large it really couldn't sustain itself, it had to steal from others, fight other packs for territory, or just for the want of more power to rule as it absorbed others into the festering lot. To Kash it went against everything that natural wolves lived by, it's rule and order didn't benefit the entirety, it only benefited the few. Telran taught him, and he had viewed on his own eyes as to how wild natural born wolves interacted. A pack was only as strong as it's weakest, natural wolves didn't beat down the weakest they built them up, encouraged each inner strength that benefited, certainly there were reminders of place, but even the weakest had something to contribute towards the good of the whole. If one suffered, the entire pack suffered with them, or they would aid one another with comforts and encouragement, a pack was a family, not a ranking system. This ' pack' arrangement was some twisted human version of what the human brain decided what was ideal for wolves to behave. The more Kash saw, the more he began to loath his own humanity and the reaches of ills it could attain, by viewing how these others behaved, and living amongst them, he himself was spiraling. Of course there were rumors of a few escapes from the pack, accidental deaths, and disappearances, and of course there had been a few opportunities that Kash could have slipped away in the night.... He just couldn't leave all these people that had been recruited as he had been, these fellow beings that deserved better a better life than what this life amongst the pack offered them. Thadian had attempted many failed plans, most of them went unnoticed, but those that had been noticed he paid so dearly for it, it took him a long time to recover before he tried again. Adair was a brute, but he was keen on the Coywolf's tricks and antics as time carried on. Thad did what he could to survive, and did the same for the others trapped in the same situation as himself, by whatever means he could.

They All Fall Down
It's only been a moment, it's only been a life time...

That was until the pack finally reached that pinnacle of a breaking point, something, just something had to eventually give. The pack decided to recruit the wrong individuals into the fold... and once again The Coywolf's life exploded into confusion. The alpha lay dead, a new, a outsider Alpha, now stood in his place. Many of the remaining pack was ushered to the Moonglade to gain the proper aid. Candy, wanted nothing to do with him, whatever she had saw in him when they had first met had been slaughtered. Kash just couldn't live up to those expectations she had long ago believed was in him to accomplish. Much had changed since parlor tricks and drinks, regard, respect. They were both two very different people from those that had began on down the same road together. He decided not to go to the Moonglade, even if Telran might be there, as much as a part of him wanted to see his old friend, the other major influencing part felt ashamed of who he had become.

The Coywolf decided to follow Adair and his lackeys instead, seemingly passing up that opportunity to escape as the ' pack ' shattered to all corners of the world, as far as Thadian was aware. All the Beta's had been killed, along with the Alpha's so what remained of the gamma's and lesser ranks gathered to plan. There was a nearby pack, that had always been on uncertain terms with the one Kash was in, they weren't exactly rivals but on the brink of that, there had been some clashes in the past. It usually was made up for with exchanges of members, and goods when those type of conflicts arose. Adair had been in a skirmish with the pack a few times, and had this plan... Adair's plans were always, straight forward and not very well thought out, and it usually entailed The Coywolf being the bait. This time however, Kash didn't point out all the flaws to Adair's plan, he just went with it. Adair had decided to send the coywolf in and scope it out, pretend to be a straggler from their dissolved pack needing a replacement pack. The coywolf's task was to get to know their weaknesses, their numbers, and report back to Adair and the others. Adair was going to take on their Alpha apparently, and rule a pack that had always been stronger then their old one. Kash simply agreed, with some motivational abuse from the others. A few wounds, cuts, that makes it all that more believable. Kash really thought it was because the group needed to feel a bit stronger after their own ego's had been badly bruised by this outsider that had dissolved their good thing.

The scene was set, Kash had played the perfect part, got to know the members, and even got to see the Alpha. He did so tactfully, with a talent that seemed uncanny for those of his remaining hidden pack members to witness. The warriors took the coywolf right in to see the alpha and the council of elders. Instead of explaining to the judging and considering elders, Kash had a different story entirely to tell them. He did so with respect, confidence, and certainty that he would be heard out regardless of how it turned out for him. He told the Alpha before him of this other pack, what Adair had planned, how many were waiting and watching for the advantage to attack, what weapons they had. He knew the group of straggling males would meet a bloody end regardless of how hard they had fought, because they were bent on taking on a whole pack that seemed a lot more healthier than their own old one had ever been. This opposition pack may have been less in numbers than their old original one at it's height, but they had a strength that the small group of rag tag idiots didn't have. Of course the coywolf had a plan to lure his pack members out, so he had explained what the plot was for entertainment purposes.

Kash was being dragged out of the council chambers by the Alpha himself in full view out in the open. The Alpha did as planned, beating and kicking Kash violently. Now this was the risk factor when it came to Kash's prowess in deceit. He relied on others to be able to keep to their behavior patterns, if they believed the pretty little lies he painted for them to see. He had been honest with this Alpha, he had lied to Adair. Now the Alpha could have turned on him and killed him right then and there and still have the advantage, Kash was giving him full opportunity to do so. A part of him really wanted to die at the moment, so even if the Alpha went over board with the display it didn't matter to Kash. The Alpha wasn't taking it easy on him, he certainly wasn't killing him either. Adair as Kash had mentally predicted recklessly exposed his and the other's position as he rushed out to save the coywolf. It was that strange possessiveness that Kash had decided to use against Adair. Adair had staked some sort of emotional claim, that he was only one that could mistreat him, unless the permission was given. Kash had seen this protectiveness before, he wouldn't allow beatings to go too far, or punishments too harsh upon him, there had been many times Adair had stepped in a dispute to protect Kash, by voice, rank, or brute force of will. That same possessiveness had been used against the coywolf as tool for Adair to get what he wanted from Kash, from menial tasks, or displays of loyalty. Thadian had always known it was wrong, that anyone healthy wouldn't behave in the manners that they had, but one did what they had to do in order to survive. It only took a hunter of the opposing pack to bring Adair down with a volley of arrows, the others were killed just as quickly. He watched as the life from those he had known for years by name and rank, spilled upon the forest's ground in stark red in an eerie silence. As the last one of his group had been eliminated, the members of the triumphant side celebrated the victory, the Alpha helped Thad to his feet. Kash had grasped to the other's arm at the elbow to seal the deal with a nod, before he was escorted out of the forest. As arranged Kash was banished but allowed to depart alive. As he left the forest's tree line Thadian was acutely aware of how beaten down and exposed he was, and yet numb at the same time. At any time he could have been killed, either by the pack's warriors, or some other unknown waiting for him around the corner.

Coming To Terms
''When you look at yourself who do you see? Is it the person you've been, or the person that you're gonna be?''

Regrets have a funny way of sneaking up on a person. At first Kash felt relief, like some life time of burden had been lifted off his shoulders. He laughed for a long while too, he ran through the tall grasses and beach front of Westfall, he felt free and alive for the first time in what felt like a life time. Yet as the stars came out at night, as he had sat on a small reed covered hill, his eyes filled with tears. If he had been asked he would have said it was because it was the first time he had seen the stars so clearly in a long time. It really was the remorse of such a loss of those final tattered fragments of his innocence, he could feel the change in him, the weariness from the journey, how his heart and soul had been stretched in that time with the pack, so thin. It wasn't from the regret of betraying Adair and the others, it had to be done other wise their deaths would have been slow and drawn out, or others would have suffered at their hands. It was the expression on Adair's face as he was impaled by arrow heads, Kash knew in that last breath taken by Adair, that Adair knew it had been him that betrayed them. Part of him had been overjoyed with that realization on the other male's expression, another part mourned the loss, as Adair wasn't all bad, there had been some good in him over the years.

It was that epiphany moment on that reed covered hill for the newly made man. People were neither good, nor bad, there was just a lot of grey haze. It wasn't an accumulation of good acts that made a person good, or remembered as good, it was merely the - result - that was remembered. There were so many possibilities in his own life, and those of influence in it, that he may truly never be able to comprehend, or understand their motivations and intent, beyond where it guided him to be in the now. The old farmer that had saved him from the elements, had he really saved him? The orphanage seemed like a personal hell at times, the attendants and matron were not kind, but he was fed, clothed, had shelter from the elements that would have taken his life. The Mikash's had taken in a child with an unknown background, taught him what family and hard work meant to achieve what one wanted from life, but also had taught him how fragile that kind of life could be. The streets taught him how important a passing smile, or a castaway sandwich could be to make it to the next morning, and how cold and alone in the world the night could make life seem within a box of reality. Sadie taught him, regrets, betrayal, blindness and vengeance could be found at the bottom of a bottle. She had taught him that humans made things overly complicated and self serving, under the pretense of kindness and compassion. That even when one had the best things in life, from clothes, food, a home, that one could fill their lives up with things and people, but still feel empty. Telran taught him how to keep a open mind to possibilities, how everything was connected, had purpose and reason, and had tested his limitations of understanding the world around him. That having nothing but the wilderness around them as wild and untamed as it was there was clarity and balance found in the most simplest things that life could offer. Candy taught him that ugly scowls could turn into valued lovely smiles, that unreasonable expectations could turn a world upside down and ruin a possible relationship, that a close bonding to anyone could be wrought with danger. Adair had taught him how to endure being stuck in a situation one couldn't control, how to harness rage and pain into power to achieve one's goals. It was not the intentions, not the devotion to a cause that were recalled, it was always the end result. All these people that he had known in his life were neither good, or evil, they influenced him either in positive, or negative, but in the end it had been his chance choice of personal perspective that had been the end result of the influence to him.

There were plenty of forgotten unsung hero's out there that got up every day to do the right thing, just for it to go terribly wrong. Some of those once great hero's wound up in the end becoming the villain, even though they had the best intentions starting out. There were plenty of people out there that just tried to deal with the hand that they were dealt no matter how terrible it was, placing all the chips on the table for a dead mans hand. No matter how much one proclaimed they were evil, or good, or in the right, they were all wrong about being the opposing force in which was neither good, or bad. It was all chaos, there wasn't anything anyone could do to change, or direct destiny, or fate. It was random chances, random encounters that make up a life time and dictated how others perceived the personal story. It didn't matter what he thought of the elderly couple that he thought of so fondly, he had no idea what they were like in their youths, he had no clue about what other struggles they had, or how they would be remembered by others, all he knew was the impact they had on him when he was with them. The same could be said about any of the others he had encountered in life, Telran could have been only kind to him because of some other wrong he had done in life that he had felt a need to make up for, just as Sadie had taken him under her wing because of the child she had given away. Adair could have been cruel to him only because, someone in his past had done the same, he had no idea what Adair had endured before he met him. People became echos, their influences faded over time becoming more distant until they were no longer heard. The only thing that ever mattered was how they viewed themselves. In those final chapters it was just a matter of personal perspective, whether one wound up being the villain, the hero, or the victim of their own story.

He wondered what Adair thought of himself with that last breath, did he believe he had been the victim of a crime, or a hero going out in a blaze of glory for the right cause in his mind? Thadian's thoughts had traveled of what one day he would feel like when he took his own last breath. Would he be the hero, or the villain in his own life story? At the moment, he didn't know, he didn't know if a person could even be as what morals deemed right, or wrong, or if everything and everyone was just some where between. There was plenty of things he had done in his life towards good, there was laughter, joy in simple pleasures, generosity, yet at the same time there was just as many regrets in what one had to do to continue onward. Everything he once believed clearly was obscured, hazed over, and seeming too complex and vast for him to ever truly be able to understand the purpose. He may never discover the true meaning in the end, but he knew until that end came with every breath taken, good or bad, he would not take his own life for granted. The coywolf figured he would find out when it happened, if death ever actually caught up with him.

The coywolf got up from the hill and started back on the path towards a different village with the same agenda, to get enough coin to buy himself a few decent articles of clothing and honest paying job. He had spent months working towards his goal, he had saved up enough to purchase all he had wanted and a little more beyond he had expected. He did not spend as much time and effort getting to know the villagers, he kept his distance as he gained his means to continue onward. He had armed himself, as well as purchasing provisions for the journey before he merely disappeared unnoticed in the night.